By Donna Payne
Copyright 2005 Donna Payne
I recently completed a kick-butt piece of compelling sales copyfor a business coach, who tried to ‘stay awake during theoperation’ and change what I had written.
The section in question was the sub-head title: “Attention:Success Minded Entrepreneurs and Small Business owners”
She changed it to: Attention: Management or technicalconsultants, CPA’S, Attorney’s, Financial Planners, NurseEntrepreneurs, Corporate Trainers, Veterinarians, ExecutiveCoaches , Employment Specialist and other IndependentProfessionals and Small Business Service Professionals.
Aaargh!
What'a mouthful! I quickly wrote and explained that:
1.Adding in the other professionals makes it read like yourdoing a “roll call”. 2.Your prospect needs to feel like yourtalking only to him, not a broad list of people or the “shot-guneffect”. 3.It’s no longer scan-able... and hard for the eye tofollow. 4.It clutters up the concept and makes it feel awkward.5.Doesn’t do a thing for your keywords or ranking. 6.Makes youlook like a “generalist” not a specialist. Like you’re too eagerand want to help everybody. People want to enlist help from aspecialist
However: I would strongly suggest doing this: •Having specificSAR (situation, action, result) testimonials from each of thoseprofessions. We can place 5-6 testimonials together above yourintroduction that are from these various individuals…CPA,Veterinarian, Attorney, etc. demonstrating “I fit into thiscategory of solo-pro’s, look at these specific results…I’m sureshe can help me too”
•AND if the reader doesn’t feel they fit then that’s ok too.Your copy needs to be clear enough so that people can selfqualify and not bother contacting you. I’m sure there’s been anoccasion where you’ve really wanted to let a client go and wishyou’d never taken them on in the first place. This gives youstronger boundaries and an “out” if you need it.
For example: I only work with Solo-Professionals, Coaches &Therapists. I’m able to take on other clients if I want to, butit eliminates the “Oh, you’re a web designer, can you help mewith my website?” from the snake handler down the street. (ok,so that’s an extreme example! But I get requests like that allthe time, LOL!) I only want to work with successfulprofessionals who are Coachable and Motivated. I think you dotoo, right?
Now it’s your turn.
How does YOUR copy read? Do you have a shot gun aimed at everyvisitor, or laser-focused to your target niche?
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